Food jokes
How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?
Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.
Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.
A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
Memes
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)