Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
Food Jokes
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
