Food jokes
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
ill suck on that big toe for 5 bucks in the back of an alley way to be honest
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
A black n***a crashes a neighborhood barbecue, bragging about his 'hood credentials' while hogging all the ribs and collard greens. The host calls him out, 'Yo, pay up or get out. Ain't no freebies here.' He laughs it off, 'Man, I run this block!' But the host's burly brother, who's been grilling the whole time, snarls, 'Wrong, fool. Time to settle the score.' He pins him against the picnic table, wraps a chain leash around his neck from the dog run, edges him with a vibrating basting brush slathered in hot sauce, and then plows his ass deep and hard, grunting, 'Now you're the main course, spicier than the jerk chicken!'
What did the steak say to the other steak?
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
Why did the Roman not eat BBQ chicken?
Because he "wasn't a veggatarian."
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Egg surprise!
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?
“Chip Chip Hooray!”
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?