Food jokes

How do emos like their meat cooked?

Medium rawr.

Why were the Twin Towers angry?

They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.

What did the orphan say to his dad last?

Please get non-fat milk!

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

What does a person eat before a race?

Answer: They fast.

A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

What's long and black?

The line to KFC.

What’s the worst part of a vegetable?

A wheelchair.

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

Why are orphans so lucky?

Every crisp packet is family sized.

What’s the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?

Because dad never came back with the milk.

I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.

Who makes the best anteaters?

Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)

Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

Girl: Your card got declined.

Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!

Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

Gf: Just lying in bed.

Bf: Just lying in bed?

Gf: And eating cereal.

Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

Gf: Eat my cereal.

Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because it felt crummy.

I heard a joke about chocolate.

It wasn’t that funny.

I just Snicker-ed.