There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What does cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?
One can feed a family.
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.
I dare you to smile like a donut. Did you do it?
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?
What are emo kids' least favorite lollies?
Life Savers.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
