My Italian chef friend died last week: He pasta away
A panda walks into a restaurant orders some food and eats it. Once he was done he shoots the waiter then leaves. Police and detectives arrive at the scene, they ask the waiter "who did this to you? what happened?" The waiter replies "A panda, eats shoots and leaves"
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
Why is jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts!
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
What kind of Panera Bread do pencils use?
Panera Lead.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.
One was just a plane tortilla.
The other one was also just a plane tortilla.
And the third one went to the wrong address.
The north tower wanted some salted fries at Burger King.
They were plane as usual.
What do you call meat in an oven? Africa
