Food

Food jokes

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.

Person 1: "I love KFC."

Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"

Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"

Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"

Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"

Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."

Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?

The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.