Food jokes
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Where were the first French Fries 🍟 made?
In Greece.
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?
Because they were using the computer and thought about it.
I thought fruit tasted good. I guess I was wrong.
What can you not ride with two wheelchairs? A burger 🍔 one wheelchair.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What is a milk?
Milk!!!!
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?
"Where do you live?"
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.