Food jokes
What kind of number hates nuts?
17.
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?
A: Because it tasted like shit.
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
What are cow jokes considered?
Cheesy.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.