Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.
Food Jokes
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Why did the chicken cross the road to Popeyes Chicken?
It wanted to pop some chicken eyes...
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Pillsbury was a fruit.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.
Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What do cannibals call an orphanage? All you can eat buffet.
Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
