Food jokes
Hi, I like food.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Why do orphans have cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.
A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
Q: What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
A: Apples get picked.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What is a king's favorite sized candy? King-sized candy!
What is speedrunner's favorite type of food? FAST FOOD!
What kind of fish do people eat?
Deep-fried fish.
How do cookies 🍪 give three cheers?
Chip, chip, hooray!
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
What do frogs eat?
French fries!
What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?
Raisin kids!