Food jokes
How do cookies 🍪 give three cheers?
Chip, chip, hooray!
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
What do frogs eat?
French fries!
What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?
Raisin kids!
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
Chiefs is an egg-cellent cook!
What is an egg joke?
Egg-xcellent question!
Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?
Wiener.
Dark jokes are just like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Period blood is like KFC, because it's finger-licking good!
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said "concentration camp."
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
Curry must hurry.
What do you need an apple because you got an "izzy?"
Aha, tomato macaroni is bad, hahaha.
(I don't even know what on earth I put here, but okay.)