Fives jokes

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."

He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

She says, "Yes, I am."

He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.

The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

What has 4 legs and two gloves?

All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

Your hairline was playing Sorry!

Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

Five more days.

Why do emo kids hate high fives?

They’re always left hanging.

What takes 10 parking spaces? Five women.

Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.

Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.

And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...

What does FNAF stand for? Five Nasty Ass Fools.