Fitness jokes
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.
According to the pole 💈.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
Have you heard of dideys?
Dideys balls fit in your mouth.
What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?
Fitting in.
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?