Fitness jokes

What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?

A misfit.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?

3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.

Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"

Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"

Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."

Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.

Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"

Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"

They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

Zion is so fat that his dick can't even fit in his wife's pussy.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?

"Chancel culture!"

In a world of feline folly, There lived a cat with a secret, A taste for adventure and mischief, And a love for KFC's golden treat.

With eyes like emerald jewels, And fur as black as night, This feline prowled the streets, In search of a savory delight.

Oh, how it yearned for chicken, Crispy and finger-lickin' good, But the cat knew it had to be sly, To satisfy its craving like it should.

Through alleyways it stealthily tiptoed, With nimble paws and a stealthy glide, Until it stumbled upon a secret, That made its hunger amplified.

A stash of KFC's golden eggs, Hidden away from prying eyes, An accidental treasure trove, A feast fit for a feline paradise.

With each stolen egg devoured, The cat's satisfaction grew, The taste of crispy breading, And juicy chicken, it knew.

Word soon spread of this food bandit, A legend of a cat so bold, Whispers echoed through the town, Of the one who stole the KFC gold.

But the cat with the KFC get eggs, Remained a mystery to all, A phantom of the night it became, Leaving no trace, no trail to recall.

And so, it continues its nightly quest, For chicken that satisfies its soul, The cat with the KFC get eggs, Forever on the prowl, never to be controlled.

Your forehead is so big we could fit the whole alphabet on there.

Have you heard of China...

China fit this dick in your mouth.

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.

I’m sorry deez nuts can’t fit in your mouth.

Why did the gym close?

It's because it just never worked out.

No matter how big the jar, there is one thing that can never fit inside it. What is it?

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

Your hairline can fit a truck without touching either side.

Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.