Fitness jokes
Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Checkmate
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
Chuck Norris doesn't need protein bars. He just eats his own shit.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?
See if these nuts fit in your mouth.
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
Your head is so big, it looks like traffic is able to fit on it!
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
I have to call Bovfa. What's Bovfa? Bovfa deez nuts fit in your mouth.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!
Your hairline can fit a truck without touching either side.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.