Fitness jokes
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?
The dead hang.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
Have you heard of China...
China fit this dick in your mouth.