Fitness jokes
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
Memes
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
Have you heard of China...
China fit this dick in your mouth.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?
The dead hang.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!