Fitness jokes
Yo mama so fat,
She doesn't fit in a Titan's mouth.
(Attack on Titan; Shingeki no Kyojin)
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
Why did the pirate go to the gym?
To improve his booty strength!
How does a booty stay in shape?
It works its glutes off!
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
Yo mama so hot, she can fit in a mug.
Your forehead is so big it can't even fit in the garage!
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
Thomas Bulgin loves McDonald's dollars, A man of simple tastes, he hollers, With every visit, his heart does flutter, For golden arches, a fast food lover.
Those crispy fries, so perfectly fried, And burgers stacked, oh so high, The smell of grease, it fills the air, Thomas Bulgin, he'll always be there.
A dollar menu, his saving grace, A feast for him, a smile on his face, He counts his coins, with eager eyes, To savor each bite, a little prize.
In this world of fast-paced lives, Thomas Bulgin, he surely thrives, For in those golden arches, he finds, A moment of joy, that forever binds.
He cares not for gourmet cuisine, Nor fancy plates, fit for a queen, For in his heart, a simple truth, McDonald's dollars, his fountain of youth.
So let him eat, and let him feast, Thomas Bulgin, the fast food beast, For in those golden arches, he's found, A taste of happiness, unbound.
Why did the rapper join a gym?
To get those SICK BARS.
Your forehead is so big we could fit the whole alphabet on there.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
Hey, Tanya, can I Tanya ass?
Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.
I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.
You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.