Fire jokes
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
Where was Stephen Hawking during the house fire?
The top of the stairs.
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."