Fire jokes
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail? A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.