Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)
Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.
So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
