How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
You're so fat that you broke Thanos's snap!
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
How did Voldemort lose his nose?
From uncontrolled Gold Mining!
I went into the supermarket; everything was half off. Of course, I took the bottom half of Spider-Man.
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
"Spider-Man: Homecoming"
How did Mace Windu die?
He fell out the windoo.
You know why they call her Wonder Woman?
She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.
What did one orphan say to the other?
Quick, Robin! To the Batmobile!
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
Yo mama is so ugly, she is the reason Slenderman has no eyes.
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.
A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"
The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
