I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
If stupidity was a superpower, BLESSEDBRIAN would be a MARVEL CHARACTER.
A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?
Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
Yo mama is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice to get her out of existence.
What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?
Walking. JK, Rowling.
What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?
Only one came out of the chamber.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.
So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
What show do orphans relate to? I'm going with "The Hunger Games."
Your mom is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
