I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
If stupidity was a superpower, BLESSEDBRIAN would be a MARVEL CHARACTER.
A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.
So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
What show do orphans relate to? I'm going with "The Hunger Games."
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
How fast does 173 move?
Breakneck speeds!
What do you call a sneaky SCP-096?
The Spy Guy!
I got a job at a library,i got fired after 15 minutes,they told me it was because I put women's right in fiction section
You're so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, you broke the correction.
Your mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, it only got rid of weight.
What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?
Hug his parents.
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
