Family jokes
Where's your mom?
In the bin.
I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.
Why was the orphan's first phone an XR?
Because it had no home button.
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
Ur mum—oh wait, you don't have that.
Why can't an orphan go to college?
He needs a parent signature.
Me: "I like kids."
What did the orphan say to the blind kid?\n\n"Hey, we both can't see our parents!"
Your mom is a transgender, your dad took a wrong turn just like his gender, your brother is just gay.
Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."
Sister.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.
Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.