Family jokes
If you play games, go play on your sister.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.
Why can't orphans open a family business?
Because there is no family.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.
Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
Why was the orphan happy that he got in trouble at school?
Because the principal was going to call his parents.
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: They come back, unlike their parents.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"