Family jokes
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
They can't find the home button.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 12 episodes!
Why can’t orphans play baseball? 'Cause they can’t find home plate.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.