Family jokes

"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."

Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

Milk makes you tall, right?

Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...

But a creeper blows it up.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

I would invite you to play baseball, but there's no home for you to run to.

Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom Toretto?

Dom doesn't have friends; he has "family."

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it actually came back.

Why do orphans want a phone so bad?

Because it has a home button.

What’s the difference between the twin towers and your parents?

Nothing, they are both just memories.

I felt bad for the orphan because he couldn't go on a field trip, you know why?

Parent signature: _________

Teacher: I was an orphan as a child.

Student: Sorry to hear.

Teacher: Is anyone missing today?

Student: Your parents.

Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?

A. They never get old.

Have you ever wondered why orphans hate milk?

'Cause their dad never came back with it.

Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.

I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.