Family jokes

Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.

It's still printing.

Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?

Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Why do orphans always go to church? Because that’s the only place they could call someone "father."

Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.

Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!

Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.

Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!

Sans: Yea bro.

Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

I made a website for orphans.

It has no homepage.

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

I like your mom naked.

Me: Hey, I’m your mom.

Orphan: Yay, you came back!

Me: Sike!

Cow A: I slept with your sister!

Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!

All the other cows:

:O

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.