Family jokes
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
What's the difference between an apple and a child?
The apple gets picked.
Your mom's hot.
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents.
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Why do orphans cry?
Because they got no family.
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
What’s a orphan's fav movie?
Spider-Man: Homecoming.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
What do you call a couple of orphans?
A coupleorphans.
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.
Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.
Wife: Honey, I love you.
Husband: I love you all.
Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.