Failing jokes

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

Kid: Your mom!

Orphan: (cries)

Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.

Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"

What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?

reCAPTCHA

Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?

Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

You're so ugly, even a Snapchat filter can't fix it.

Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...

A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"

"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"

They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"

"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"

I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".

Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.

I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.

It couldn't answer.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

Why did Sally fail her final exam?

Because she had nothing written down.

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."