I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me

he’s not really dead, his update failed

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

What’s white and bloody?

Two doves in a trash compactor Talk about a failed marriage

Fuck it suicide is wrong but if you jump off a bridge and yell parkor its a failed stunt

Friend 1: What’s the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me repeating a year. Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

Stormtrooper: What should we do with about the failed plan?

Palpatine: Screw it

Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, “We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed.”

The engineer said, “I think I’ve got a few spanners in the back. I’ll take a look and see if I can work out what’s wrong.”

The programmer said, “Why don’t we get going again and see if it’s reproducible?”

Why did sally fail her final exam?

Because she had nothing written down.

What is a failed abortion? Annabelle

Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the clutch

STOP SAYING NEGATIVE SHIT ABOUT DARK HUMOUR JOKES!! IF IT BUGS YOU THAT BAD THEN GO AWAY!! THAT’LL SOLVE EVERYTHING BUT WORLD HUNGER AND FAILED ABORTION

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed. Father: son you can do butter

What did the watch say to the failing watch company? - You better watch it

My dad told me i’m a failure… I failed a math’s test. Good thing theres a pole outside my house.

Why did C.S.C fail the Trig test? Cosecant remember his own name! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Thankfully I’m still alive because I fail at everything in life.