I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

Friend 1: What’s the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me repeating a year. Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed

Fuck it suicide is wrong but if you jump off a bridge and yell parkor its a failed stunt

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

he’s not really dead, his update failed

In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me

Thankfully I’m still alive because I fail at everything in life.

What’s white and bloody?

Two doves in a trash compactor Talk about a failed marriage

What are you good at? Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.

What’s similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it

After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter… … from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren’t able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6’s help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary: Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.

Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Why did the leper fail his driving test? He left his foot on the clutch

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, “We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed.”

The engineer said, “I think I’ve got a few spanners in the back. I’ll take a look and see if I can work out what’s wrong.”

The programmer said, “Why don’t we get going again and see if it’s reproducible?”

Why did sally fail her final exam?

Because she had nothing written down.

What is a failed abortion? Annabelle

STOP SAYING NEGATIVE SHIT ABOUT DARK HUMOUR JOKES!! IF IT BUGS YOU THAT BAD THEN GO AWAY!! THAT’LL SOLVE EVERYTHING BUT WORLD HUNGER AND FAILED ABORTION

My dad told me i’m a failure… I failed a math’s test. Good thing theres a pole outside my house.