Failing jokes
I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
Operation failed in North Korea, the surgeon died.
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?
A: They're both cheesy.
Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.
Yo momma so dumb, she failed movie day.
Why did C.S.C fail the Trig test? Cosecant remember his own name! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he couldn't stop DROPPING HITS.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale? Because they lost both towers.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.