"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.
I thought a few hits would cheer him up!
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.
I traveled through time to get my dad back.
I failed because I was 1e21 years off.
When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?
When it fails to turn up.
Yo mama so dumb she failed lunch.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Yo mama so stupid, she failed a survey.
Why did Al Qaeda fail geometry?
'Cause they ruined the Pentagon.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
