Failing jokes
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
Yo momma so dumb, she failed movie day.
Trump keeps calling people "nasty", "failing", and "disgusting".
Doesn't he own a mirror?
What do feminists do when they fail at something?
Blame men for sexism and misogyny.
Depressed person: *chokes on food*
*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*
"AWWW! I failed the race!"
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."
What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?
Rainbow road.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
Why was the rapper bad at fishing?
Because he always threw back the lines!
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he always dropped the MIC instead of the BAT.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."