Eye Jokes

why cant the blind man see, because he cant see

Puns that’s how eye rool

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?" Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me." The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything." The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too."

Man and woman are having a discussion. Woman looks into man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . ".

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in".

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

me: "you wanna see my dad" some kid: "yeah?" me: "close your eyes and he will appear" some kid: "he ain't appearing" me: "sorry i thought he would appear for you. he won't appear for me" *the kid laughs"

moral: not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on 🙃

Me: I been up all night, no sleep—

The lie detector I didn’t know I had: lie.

Me: stfu! I’m just singing!

Lie detector: you literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!

Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!

lie detector: it’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM....... You get waken up at 7:00 AM...... you only sleep two hours......

What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger before my eyes. Then it hit me.

What do you call a deer with no eyes no legs and no balls. Still no fucking eye deer

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a french fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.

Mrs. Potato said: ̈I see you eye-balling that French girl! ̈

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Little Johnnys neighbour just had a baby he got invited to dinner with his neighbour little Johnnys dad said if. he mentioned ears he will get a spank so Johnny looked in the basonet they were talking about the new baby Johnnys mum said what beautiful eyes that is great said little Johnny. because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses

How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?

I don't know I close my eyes when I masterbate....

A guy start texting a Cute girl and ask to give her phone no. So he can't call her the girl ok but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number then I am gonna be your gf and will meet you somewhere the transfer her the balance and called her but turn out the girl was actually a guy making him fool he blocked him. Next day he was very angry about himself being fool so thought he gonna do the same he make a fake girl account and start texting with some random guy and then he ask that guy to send him balance. Suddenly his father came in his bedroom and ask " son can you send me some balance i am gonna send you can after sometime" that guy look at his father with suspicious eyes and then he call that random number suddenly his father phone start ringing......

I DO NO UNDERSTAND WHY PPL ARENT SCARED OF SPIDERS. i mean like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987t388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 2386486775957t8590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes. i saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK IM GONNA SLEEP IN THERE????????? nope. im moving to japan. KOONICHIWA

katie Price's answer for everything is darkness. She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.

Hey amazing people! The Prankster is back! This prank was on my sister and her friends. (tbh I did not think she had friends.) 1. I set out some snacks for them! Btw (I can't be trusted). 2. I gatherd some slapies. 3. The things I gatherd where Tomatos, onions, milk, carrots, ice cream, and some dried out green beans! all that stuff! To the 4.

4. I need the tomatos to make a sauce because I am going to put that with the ice cream, mix that up with the milk, yea yea it might look like a gross and nasty dish...WRONG!!!! I am going to make it into a little snack...anyway we make that into a snack for her and her friends. The onions are used to make their eye's cry and burn but I will give them a towl after that. The dried out green beens are just to make them go over the top and overreact because I did not cook them. After that we make it like its not so iky! 5. I feed it to them! They overreacted! Please leave a comment. Byee!