Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Why do we name hurricanes?
To keep an eye on them.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?
To get to Birds Eye.
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?
They didn't open their eyes.
Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
What did Rob O'Neill say before he shot Osama Bin Laden between the eyes?
"Go to HELLakbar!"
Why did the chicken cross the road to Popeyes Chicken?
It wanted to pop some chicken eyes...
What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
What do nerds and chicks have in common? They both have four eyes.
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
Me: You have pretty eyes.
Her: Thank you.
Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴
What do you call a dick with three eyes?
Preston.
Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.
I got to work.
Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.
Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.
Boss: Have a nice day.
Ben: Ok, bye!
Boss:??
