When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
How did Helen Keller die? Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it
Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.
Johnny: What?
Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?
Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!
Ex: Awhh!
Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
i was hit by a car later my ex lost her bus job
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...
