Every jokes

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

What’s the difference between an emo and a pack of Oreos? The emo’s barcode gets longer every day.

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

Why do emo people go to the store with no money?

Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.

Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?

No, well neither has he.

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.

Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.

Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.

Why do orphans miss every hit? Because no one is cheering for them.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.

What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?

A sissy.

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.

I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."