Every jokes
Why do orphans miss every hit? Because no one is cheering for them.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.
That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!
Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?
No, well neither has he.
TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.
Why do emo people go to the store with no money?
Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."
I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.
The best part? She don't talk back.
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.