Every jokes

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.

What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?

A sissy.

I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣

What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?

One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Your hairline is so far back that it made every country on earth disappear.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

There's a plane crash. Every single person died.

Who lived? The married people!

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

I don't know why, but every 911 joke I've heard always comes crashing down.