Every jokes

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.

What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?

A sissy.

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

In England, for every church, there are two pubs.

In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.

Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.