Every

Every jokes

Location

    • Me sees crazy man hit a old poor person. Me dials 911.

    Police: What is that location?

    Me: I don't know where is dis location.

    Police: Mission failed, we will try again later.

    Me: WTH?

    Police: Ends call.

    Me: Calls hospital.

    Hospital: What is that location?

    Me: I don't know where is dis location.

    Hospital: Mission failed, we will try again later.

    Me: WTH IS HAPPENDS EVERY TIME NOW EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.

    Hospital: Hangs up.

    Me: Calls fire dEpArTmEnT.

    Fire: No fire.

    Fire dEpArTmEnT: What is that location?

    Me: Hangs up and give up and goes home.

    Vibrator

    • Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

    Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

    Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

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    • Routine

    • I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

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    • Every memes

    Super Bowl

    • A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

    However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

    So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

    He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

    The man replies, “No.”

    The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

    The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

    “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

    “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

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    • Slap

    • The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

    The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

    Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

    So the Pope slapped him.

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    • Slap

    • An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

    The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."

    The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."

    The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."

    The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."

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    • Mom

    • You're gay.

    Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

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    • Jesus

    • The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

    Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

    Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

    Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

    The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

    Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””

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    • Pedo

    • I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"

    I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."

    She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.

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    • Poetry

    • In the realm of poetry's grace, Where words dare to embrace, A request comes with a quirky plea, To give life to what the eyes may see.

    "Pussy lussy cussy," it begins, A playful phrase that surely spins, And though the words may raise a smile, Let's craft a verse that goes the extra mile.

    In free verse, we'll dance and sway, Allowing thoughts to have their say, For poetry knows no bounds or rules, It's a canvas for expression, where freedom fuels.

    But let's remember, dear friend, To keep our words kind and lend, Respect to all, in every line, For poetry's power can truly shine.

    So, let's journey on this poetic quest, With words that honor and truly impress, For in the realm of art and verse, We find beauty, in each line immersed.

    And though "Pussy lussy cussy" may make us smile, Let's seek inspiration that runs deep, mile after mile, For poetry's magic lies in its ability, To touch hearts, souls, and set thoughts free.

    In this short verse, may you find delight, As we paint with words, both bold and light, So let us write, with grace and art, A poem that sings straight from the heart.

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