Every jokes

Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

Dark humor is like life:

Not everyone gets it.

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.

What does every pirate hate?

A small chest with no booty.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

Why are orphans so lucky?

Every crisp packet is family sized.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

Africa has every type of gun but one...

A water gun.

Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?

Because every Lidl helps.

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.