Every Jokes

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.

Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?

Kids: Because you're a psycho path.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

Literally me after every single relationship

A black and white image shows two people sitting on a bench, one couple in the background and a woman looking towards them. The text says, "I'm proud of my heart. It's been played, stabbed, cheated, burned and broken, but somehow still works."

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

Africa has every type of gun but one...

A water gun.

Why are orphans so lucky?

Every crisp packet is family sized.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?

Because every Lidl helps.

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.