When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
Event Jokes
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
Yo mama so stupid, she went to the Super Bowl with a spoon!
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
How do you plan a party in outer space?
You planet.
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?
A: He doesn't have the guts for it.
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
Guess what Sally got for Christmas? Gloves! Jk, she still hasn't opened it.
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
What has 3 legs, 4 arms, and 5 heads?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims of course, they went through 89 stories in only 5 minutes!
If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:
"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...
YOU WERE BORN!"
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
