Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
Event Jokes
What's a car's favorite place to hang out?
A CARnival!
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*
What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Which is the worst place to sit at in a wedding?
Between 2 buttcheeks.
Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...
You want to hear a 9/11 joke?
I bet they did too!
Two antennas met on a roof and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?
2001/9/11.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
