Event jokes
Who are the Fastest Readers in the world?
9/11 victims: They read 87 stories in 10 seconds.
A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!
Why were the tenants of the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but they got PLANE.
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽♂️
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
The wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
Once the aliens was gonna have a party, they had to planet.
Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.