Entertainment jokes
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a kid?
Hot Wheels.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
What's an emo's favorite game?
Hangman.
When Drake was making the song "Back to Back," he was referring to your hairline.
Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the party?
To count his RHYMES PER MINUTE.
Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.
Friend: You have to be able to stand up.
Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
What's the difference between an orphan and Spider-Man?
There's no way home.
I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.
Drama queens be like: =- (
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.
What burns up a football stadium?
A football match.
I was watching The Conjuring with an emo person. She said she likes the part where the girl was hanging. I said, "Why? Because you wish it were you?"
Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-
My buddies think I'm on the lake.
Boss thinks I've been sick for days.
And mama's probably on her way
'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.
I've been a million places,
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Took a trip down memory lane.
Checked into hotel heartbreak.
Passed rock bottom on the way
Without leaving my living room.
I've been a million places
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Yeah
I've been gone.
All the clothes are on the floor
All the mail's by the door
All the whiskey bottles in my bed.
All the dishes in the sink
All the gas is in the tank
All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
Gone
Why did the rapper refuse to play cards?
Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers.
"Rape isn't a joke unless you watch YouTube Kids."
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.