Eating jokes

In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?

None, both carpet munchers eat out.

What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?

The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.

What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?

"Dine and dash."

What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?

One eats tape while the other eats pussy.

It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.

In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.

Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

What cereal do I eat?

Captain Bolts.

I would tell you a pizza joke, but it's too cheesy.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

Where does Michael Joseph Jackson like to eat at?

A Del-he-he.

One day I was walking next to a home less man and he was eating grass I asked him if he was hungry he said yes I said follow me you should of seen his face when I showed him my back yard 😂😂😂😂

One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.

I eat ass.

Why don’t Belgians eat shit sandwiches?

They don’t fancy bread!

Does anyone else here eat pretzels with Nutella? It tastes AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"

Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"

Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"

Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Grandpa said, "Yes."

Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?

Allah's snackbar!