Eating jokes
Why can't lesbians wear makeup while on a diet?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig while Mary Kay is sitting on their face.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?
Answer: fire.
Memes
When you reverse the roles be like:
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!
Do they say you are what you eat?
That makes Bulma a VEGETARIAN if u know what I'm SAIYAN.
Hey paps, BONE-appetit!
(Just eat your spaguetti.)
Why can’t orphans eat breakfast? Because there is no parent to feed them.
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
What's the difference between a human and a potato? There is none, you can eat both.
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?
Open wide, here comes the plane!