Eating jokes
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
What does a man with 20 children do now?
Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!
We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.
I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.
A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.
When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.
A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.
The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?
To make room in the freezer for his special meat.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat from? The children's menu.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.