Drive

Drive jokes

Guy

Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.

People

Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!

Gay

Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?

Because at 69 they blow a rod.

Eskimo

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

Girl

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

Dream

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

Terrorist

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

Orphan

Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.

Mexican

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.

Car

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

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  • Book

    Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

    Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

    Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.