Drive jokes

What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?

A Juanda.

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.

Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

A: They drive slow through school zones.

How do you disrespect an Asian?

Give them driving lessons.

Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?

Because she's a woman.

Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?

Because at 69 they blow a rod.

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.

Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!

Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.

It was women driving the planes for 9/11.

I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.

The British: We drive on the left side of the road.

Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.

Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.