Drive Jokes

What time is it when you can not walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽

What is your car 🚙 you can not drive ? A super flying car 🚘

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemmetary has.

The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed

Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.

Must be Asian.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

why did Sally decide to fly to school?

She couldn't drive.

your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth

A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit

I was driving with my parent and shouted its a super hero but i didnt know it was a emo kid

Americans be like: Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road.

England be like: Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road.

Russians after a car accident be like: Here in Russia, road is road.

If you were driving when all the sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes you sick bastard.

What type of car did hitler drive? A gas-guzzler.

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

heres a list of puns not all of them are mine

1.Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

2.Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5.Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6.Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7.Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8.How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9.That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10.My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

Yesterday i tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were and that made her cry harder. So then i adked her where her house was and she said with tears "i dont have one" so i got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was a orphaninch.