Australia Jokes

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.

What is an orphan's favorite beer?

"Fosters."

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know," the German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia," the others ask "How do you know," he replies "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico," the others ask "How do you know," he says " Because my watch is gone"

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!

What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?

A Boomerang

public speaking is a more popular fear then snakes and you don't see anyone walking in australia and shout look out a podium

Two baked beans travelled around Australia.

They both ended up in Cairns.

Did you know that Former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔

Onna day Imma going to Malta to bigga hotel In the morning I go downa to eat breakfast, I tell the waitress I want to pieces of toast, She brings me only one piece, I tell her I want to piece, She sais: "go to the toilet", I say: "you nounderstand", I wanna piece on my plate, she says: "you better not piss on your plate you son of a bitch", I don't even know the lady and she calls me a son of a bitch

I don't need this shit!!

Later, I go to eata at the bigga restaurant, the waitress brings me a spoon and a knive, but no fork, I tell her i wanted a fork, she tella me everyone wanna fuck, i tell: "you don't understand, I wanna fork on my table", she says: "you better not fuck on the table you son of a bitch", I don't even know the lady and she calls me a son of a bitch

I dont need this shit!

So I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed, call the manager and telling him I wanna a sheet, he tella me go to the toilet, I say: "you don't understand, I wanna sheet on my bed", he says: "you better not shit on my bed you son of a bitch",

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk says 'peace on you', I say 'piss on you too you son of a bitch, Im going back to Italia, ariva derchi'

I don't need this shit!

Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent

What is an orphan’s favorite beer?

Fosters.

What’s a downys favorite song? DOWN UNDER

Official flag of Great Britain? The Union Jack Official flag of Australia? The Southern Cross Official flag of Canada? The Maple Leaf Official flag of Japan? The Sun Official flag of Orange County, California? The Nazi Symbol

Q:What did one koala say to the other? A:Hows it hanging.😂

Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How? They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colours!

What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cook out?

A jump rope!

How do you get a koala to die ? Kill it

If you mixed the iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad what would you get? Tony Abbott's career