Automobile jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Maserati.
Maserati who?
Why don't you clean up this Maserati?
What is your car's name?
I went to a muffler party... it was exhausting!
What do you get when you cross a car with a woman?
A transmission that never shifts.
What’s the difference between 80 dead babies and a Lambo? I don’t have a Lambo in my garage.
What do you call a pretty person who loves Rolls? A roll model.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
What do you call a tire that is tired?
A tire, I guess. ❤️
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?
I'D HIT THAT!
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
Driver's License-By- watersharky Music Productions and Olivia Rodrigo-
I got my driver's license last week Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me To finally drive up to your house But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren't around And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else? And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street And all my friends are tired Of hearing how much I miss you, but I kinda feel sorry for them 'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah Today I drove through the suburbs And pictured I was driving home to you And I know we weren't perfect But I've never felt this way for no one, oh And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Red lights, stop signs I still see your face in the white cars, front yards Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Sidewalks we crossed I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing Over all the noise God, I'm so blue, know we're through But I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone 'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street...
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"
"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."
"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"
I'm racist.
I don't like green cars.