Drive jokes
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"