Drive jokes
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?
The MIC Donald's drive-thru.