Drive jokes
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?
The MIC Donald's drive-thru.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.