Drive jokes
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.
What's the difference between America and a flash drive?
One is USA and the other is USB! 😂😂😂
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
Why was the computer so good at golf? Because he had a hard drive.
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.
A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"
If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK