Blame

Blame jokes

Job Interview

    • I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

    "Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

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    • Iceberg

    • Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

    Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

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    • Life

    • There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.

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    • Job

    • I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

    "Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

    The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

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    • Marriage

    • A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

    "Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

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    • Blame memes

    Covid

    • What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

    I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

    Mom

    • Mom: That's why your dad left you.

    Me: Why?

    Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

    Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

    Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

    (This actually did happen in real life.)

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    • Priest

    • Man: I must confess, Father.

    Priest: What are you here to confess?

    Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

    Priest: And what happened to your son?

    Man: He said a man raped him.

    Priest: When and where did this happen?

    Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

    Priest: ...By whom?

    Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

    Priest: ...Shit

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    • Suspicion

    • I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

    Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

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    • Time

    • I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

    Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

    Ex

    • You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

    Then I start to think I was the problem :(

    Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

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    • Lag

    • "If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."

    -- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

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    • Day

    • On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:

    12 tap ins

    11 pointless dribbles

    10 fixed league titles

    9 missed penalties

    8-2

    6 dives

    500 million robbed from Barca

    4 UCL semi losses

    3 times he blamed Higuain

    2 retirements

    And a transfer to a farmers league.

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    • Celebrity

    • I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.

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