Dog jokes
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
I named my dog Chicken.
I love eating chicken.
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
What do you call a smart blonde Labrador?
What do dogs drink? Pupsi.
What was Hellen Keller's dog's name?
Durrrrrrrr.
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.