Dog jokes
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
A Konichiuahua.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
A dog gets adopted.
Like if your best friend has a dog.
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!