Dog jokes

What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.

Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

What animal has 5 legs?

A pitbull on a children's playground.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.

What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?

A Corgi Potty.

Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?

A: A Chihuahua.

What do dogs drink? Pupsi.

What did the female dog say to the mirror?

Hi, bitch!

I smell up dog in here.

"What's up, dog?"

Nothing much, how about you?

What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?

A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴

Why do dogs like skeletons?

Because they're boneheads.

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”