Dog jokes
Why did the rapper go to the pet store?
To buy a dog for his bark tracks!
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?
A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
I smell up dog in here.
"What's up, dog?"
Nothing much, how about you?
What did the female dog say to the mirror?
Hi, bitch!
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."